One Year Ago
Well it begins. One year ago about right now, Monday night, I remember standing in the kitchen with Carol and trying to decide whether to bring her to the hospital or not. Her doctor had made an appointment with a cardiologist for like two weeks from Thursday but emphasized that if she was noticeably getting worse to go in to emergency. She was really convinced that she was getting more and more short of breath and we decided to go in at around 10 pm. We really thought she would likely have her heart checked out and maybe medication or at most a heart procedure and in a few days she would be home and starting to recover. How wrong we were. The nightmare was just beginning.
These anniversary days of her being in the hospital and never returning to her earthly home will be difficult for all who know her. There are also memories of all the acts of kindness our family experienced during this time. The visits, the meals, the many ways that support was shown truly did help. The "why" questions are still not answered. She is missed every single moment I'm awake and many when I'm sleeping. I dreamt of her last night and pleaded with her not to leave this time. If only that were possible.