It’s Still Wrong

It has now been one year since Carol’s death. For me the one year mark was just after midnight Saturday night. While that isn’t the May 7 date this year, that is the night I will never get over.
About the only thing I could verbalize that night in her room, when she was lying there dead, was “this is wrong”. It’s not my style to scream and yell and I didn’t know who to scream at. All I could do was cry and keep saying over and over “it’s wrong – it’s wrong”
Now it is one year later and I have to say “it’s still wrong”. I haven’t read or heard or experienced any thing that has convinced me that her death was “right”. I have to believe it is in God’s big plan somehow but I think it is wrong. It is wrong for so many reasons. The positive influence she had on this world is profoundly absent. God what were you thinking?
The timing of my trip to Africa has added an interesting dynamic to this one year mark. I am up and down like a yoyo (I know, that’s a pretty fitting analogy for me). There are so many stories and great memories of my trip then, whap, I wish Carol were here to share them with me. The reunion would have been so sweet. I know we would be spending hours talking about every minute of my trip. We would have had a great time comparing this to her trips to Cuba and it would have been fun trying to convince her that Liberia is hotter and more humid than the pleasant Caribbean island of Cuba. When I got off the plane Amy and Matt were there to great me, that was wonderful, but the other guys had there wives there to greet and wrap their arms around them. That was not lost on me.
I guess the thought that God doesn’t promise that everything will be easy, just that He will help you through all times, still applies.
I still rely on Him and His good people to help me through.
Thank you to all of you who are included in that group.