“Those who suffer loss live suspended between a past for which they long and a future for which they hope. “ A GRACE DISGUISED Gerald L. Sittser
QUESTIONS (5 months)
Why…Why her? Why now?
Why lung cancer?
Why didn’t the doctors find it?
Was it because of something I did or thought or didn’t do?
Is God punishing us?
What was God thinking?
Will we ever see the big picture?
Did she know I wasn’t there when she died?
Did she see all the family and friends that came to her room that night?
Can she see us now?
Can she hear us talk about her?
Can she see me cry?
Does she know that my heart has been ripped out?
What is she doing now?
Has she talked to Jesus face to face?
Has she asked Him to hold us close?
Has she laid her (sizable) crown at His feet?
Was she greeted by her grandparents?
By my Dad?
Was she surprised to see Uncle John arrive in heaven so soon?
Do they have pianos in heaven?
What would she tell us about heaven?
Would she be proud of the way we are “coping”?
How would she be doing if it was me that had died?
Where does joy come from now?
What replaces 29 years of companionship?
When does the pain stop or even ease?
Will I ever stop thinking of her?
Will there ever be a time when my mind is idle and I don’t see her lying dead in a hospital bed?
Who will love me as much as she loved me?
Who will hold my hand and give me hugs?
Who will care for the kids or me when we get sick?
Who will care for me when I get old?
Who will I travel with?
Who will I follow?
Who will I lead?
Who will encourage me?
Who will cheer me up after a rotten day at work?
Who will build up my self esteem?
Who will shape me into a better person?
How will our children learn more from her?
How will they get on without their greatest teacher?
Who will stand with me to give our daughters away on their wedding day?
How will her grandchildren know her?
How will they know how much she would have loved them?
How long before everyone forgets what an extraordinary person she was?
When will I trust God again?
When does Christ return?
Proverbs 3:5Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
2 Corinthians 5:7
We live by faith, not by sight.
Nahum 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him…
1 comment:
Fred,
So many heartbreaking questions -- I wish I could answer some of them for you but I can't. However,I would like to comment on a couple of them. Will we ever see the big picture? I think the answer is no -- the legacy that Carol left behind and the many lives she has touched is so great that I don't think you or I will ever see the full impact her life here on earth has made. That leaves me with the question "Why did God take her at such a young age when she had the potential to touch so many more lives?" I think that's all part of the big picture that we will more than likely never completely understand. But, just this week (and it's only Tues.) I have been in 3 different places where Carol's name has been brought up in conversation and it has helped me see just a glipse of God's plan in taking Carol. The first place Carol was brought up was in our Care Circle. One of the women in our group has a non-christian friend who also knew Carol. After Carol's death it really gave her a great opportunity to talk to this person about heaven and the gift of Salvation etc. I think Carol's name was brought up at least 3 more times during the course of our meeting. The comment was made about what a kind and caring person she was and how after her death it really made them think about how short our life on earth is and how they consiously (sp?) try to be more kind and caring (I call it "Carol like") to those around them.
The second place Carol was brought up was talking with friends about the death of the little Post boy from Dutton. Someone who knew him well said "I know he's in heaven but I just can't help but think how he's only 5 and who is there to just be with him and take him by the hand?" My thoughts were immediatly voiced by someone else -- "Well, Carol is there and she loves the kids. She'll take his hand and be there for him."
Carol was also brought up at coffee break this morning. Someone was telling me how after Carol's death she realized what a legacy Carol left behind. That got her to thinking about her own life and if God were to take her life what kind of legacy would she leave behind. She said since then she has strived to be a better person and to touch more peoples lives by being there for them and showing them she cares about them.
Carol touched so many lives while here on earth but I think so much of what she did and the kind and caring person she was to so many was taken for granted -- until God called her home so suddenly and the community (and people in other parts of the world) was shocked. That got us all thinking about the role Carol played in our lives and also got us thinking about our own lives and how we need to be more "Carol like".
Does all this make Carol's death any easier? NO! Does all the positive stuff I've seen come about since Carol's death help me understand why God took her at such a young age? Not really. But I believe that it does give me just a teeny, tiny glimpse of the big picture and I just have to trust God with the rest.
One of your other questions was "How long before everyone forgets what an extraordinary person she was?" I think there will be great stories of Carol passed down for several generations. I believe that there are many, many people who won't forget Carol as long as we are on this earth and then we will join her in heaven and the good times with Carol will continue. I look forward to that day when I can say something to Carol and I can see her head tilt back, her arms go up and hear that wonderful, unique laugh of hers. I miss you Carol!
Maxine
Post a Comment