Saturday, November 18, 2006

LIFE IN BETWEEN
There is a strong feeling I have had lately that my life is in limbo. I am living now “in between” existences. When Carol died, a large part of me, of who I was, died right along with her. The term “my better half” is a large understatement in my case. Much of my identity was to be known as Carol Vail’s husband. I’m not that anymore.
Who am I now? What does the future have in store for me? Will I have a chance at happiness at some point in the future? I am suspended between a former happy, contented, life and an unknown future. Between wanting to “move on” and just curling up and staying in the comfortable past as much as possible. In a very real way, I am between happiness and heaven.
I guess one could call this “…the valley of the shadow of death”.

Psalm 23:4
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Fred,
What a great idea to write down your feelings. Thank you so much for trusting us enough to share those with us. I honestly can not even imagine what you have been
going thru in the past 1/2 year.Even though you feel you're not worth much without Carol; that couldn't be farther from the truth.
We are a very tiny dot in the sphere of your life --who you have touched in a positive way. After the visitation and funeral, our girls were talking about how neat it was that you remembered their names (even tho we don't see each other all that often). They also talked about the fun they had when you and Stan would babysit them. Bet you forgot that huh? We remember your friendliness at the "Rec Center" years ago. We didn't have as many connections there as most folks, because our girls didn't attend South. You always took the time to talk with Bill a few minutes which meant a lot to him. We know a Godly cousin who has done oodles of things to help his extended family. What would your mom and sisters do without you? We remember fun times at New Years gatherings & look forward to more of those.
You know,Fred, that Carol would not have been who she was or all she accompished without you. And look at your talented kids. They are not just Carols kids. They're yours and they need you as much as ever. Maybe even more, but they can't tell you--?
If I remember correctly, you have led worship services at the nursing home, and done a bunch of things that
lesser man would never attempt. Our grand kids are learning to play the piano because of you. I could go on and on but will quit for now. Just know that you are loved and needed. Bea

10:52 AM

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