2011
“. . . and don’t blame God, Pat. Death was never his idea. But life is. Please remember that. Life has always been his idea.” The Pawn – Steven James
2011 has arrived. Did you “stay up” as many do to see the clock turn to 12am on the eve of the New Year? It seems as if we stand at the doorway to greet the new arrival, hoping that if we are kind to it as it arrives maybe it, in turn, will be kind to us. After all, many of us have seen several (speaking of myself of course) of these new years come into our lives and with every one we say a little prayer asking for them to be kind. We hope and pray that each New Year will be filled with more blessings and less disasters.
Five years ago we did this very same ritual. When 2006 came to our doorway to join us, we prayed that it would be a blessed year. But for Phil and Lisa and their family and Carol and me and our family (and many others) 2006 was not kind at all. Five years ago today (January 5) Lisa’s husband Phil was taken to his eternal home where he is now with his Heavenly Father forevermore. Everything we know about Heaven tells us that it is an amazing place where our joy is complete, but I’m sure Phil would have preferred to have been allowed to spend a longer lifetime with his precious wife and his wonderful three children, all who were obviously his pride and joy.
Prior to 2006, I would say I didn’t know death. I wasn’t that familiar with it, not in an intimate way. After 2006 I would have to say that I am far too familiar with it. I hate it, it stinks, etc, etc. As Dad VH said, not so long ago, death is so disruptive. It takes a beautiful young family, with a future as bright as the stars and puts a big black hole in it. It changes every thing. Why God?? Why allow this?? Death almost always leads us to question God and his love.
Without getting real religious here trying to explain the why’s, I just want to say that God hates it too, probably more than we can imagine. I love this quote taken from a book I read some time ago. It hit me then as right on the mark, “. . . and don’t blame God, Pat. Death was never his idea. But life is. Please remember that. Life has always been his idea.” The Pawn – Steven James
I pray that whatever happens in 2011, a year sure to be filled with “arrivals and departures”, a year sure to be filled with good things and bad things, that I/you/we can remember that death and suffering were never God’s idea, that life and love and peace are. Phil, Carol and perhaps someone you have loved and lost know that to be true so much more so than those of us who “linger” here on earth.
Blessings to you in this year we call 2011. . .
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
Friday, March 26, 2010
Army Nurse Corps
My little girl is leaving. As many of you know my youngest daughter signed up for the Army Nurse Corps. She leaves for her initial training in a couple of days.
People have asked me how I feel about this. There are many emotions I feel. I think the prevailing one is that I am very proud of her. After the initial possibility of this pursuit came up, she and her husband thought and prayed hard about this and decided that this would/could be a very positive step for them and their lives together long term. I’m proud of them for the way they worked through this decision that hugely affects their lives in so many ways. It was not an easy choice I’m sure.
At the same time, with her moving so far away, I can easily let myself fall into the feeling that I am losing another very dear loved one. I know I am not “losing” her but she is going to be vary far from home. It has brought some of the grief of losing Carol back to mind. I am trying not to dwell on that. Sometimes I wonder if Sara’s decision might have played out differently if her mother was still here. Hypothetical. . .
As someone said, we as parents raise our children to spread their wings and fly, but when that happens we miss them being close and want to hold on. I know that this experience will change her, but that’s ok. This seems to be God’s plan for the path of her life. I believe He can use this experience to develop Sara into an even more incredible young lady.
“As a member of the Army Nurse Corps, you'll be given opportunities of a lifetime!” This is a quote from the Nurse Corps web site. I pray that this will be so for my precious daughter.
Stay strong, dear Sara, remember that you are loved by all who know you and especially your Heavenly Father.
My little girl is leaving. As many of you know my youngest daughter signed up for the Army Nurse Corps. She leaves for her initial training in a couple of days.
People have asked me how I feel about this. There are many emotions I feel. I think the prevailing one is that I am very proud of her. After the initial possibility of this pursuit came up, she and her husband thought and prayed hard about this and decided that this would/could be a very positive step for them and their lives together long term. I’m proud of them for the way they worked through this decision that hugely affects their lives in so many ways. It was not an easy choice I’m sure.
At the same time, with her moving so far away, I can easily let myself fall into the feeling that I am losing another very dear loved one. I know I am not “losing” her but she is going to be vary far from home. It has brought some of the grief of losing Carol back to mind. I am trying not to dwell on that. Sometimes I wonder if Sara’s decision might have played out differently if her mother was still here. Hypothetical. . .
As someone said, we as parents raise our children to spread their wings and fly, but when that happens we miss them being close and want to hold on. I know that this experience will change her, but that’s ok. This seems to be God’s plan for the path of her life. I believe He can use this experience to develop Sara into an even more incredible young lady.
“As a member of the Army Nurse Corps, you'll be given opportunities of a lifetime!” This is a quote from the Nurse Corps web site. I pray that this will be so for my precious daughter.
Stay strong, dear Sara, remember that you are loved by all who know you and especially your Heavenly Father.
Monday, March 22, 2010
OK one last entry regarding the book “SAILING BETWEEN THE STARS by Steven James
Following is an excerpt from where he has written about “joy”:
Then later he writes:
James states it far better than I could ever hope to but what strikes me is that in the midst of tears and loss and pain and struggles it is possible and even Biblical to have and experience joy. That is an amazing aspect of Christianity that I think is very profound.
Following is an excerpt from where he has written about “joy”:
“There aren’t any easy answers to the big questions that haunt us and hunt us down. Friends commit suicide. Grandparents die awkwardly and alone in nursing homes. We get fired. We have affairs. Our kids get hooked on drugs. Time and gravity wear is down as we travel across this vale of tears.
Yet when we have hope, we have refuge. I like how Paul put it: “We do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16 NIV). Or, as Eugene Peterson paraphrases it in The Message, “we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.” And grace is always stronger than my circumstances.
Every day we’re both wasting away and being renewed. When God’s Spirit moves, joy is reborn, and our lives, once new, can continually be renewed through faith and the promises of faith.
Here is what I have to keep reminding myself: pain is real, but so is joy. Every moment, hope is available. Even now peace can be mine. And the sparkling moments of joy that make life worth living are just as much a part of our world as the speeding tickets and funerals. When you take the time to look at both sides of the equation, you realize that life is both more depressing and more delightful that you thought.”
Then later he writes:
There is a heaviness to the lightness of Christianity, a somberness to the joy, a depth to the levity, because for every Easter there is a Good Friday.” . . . “Christians are enmeshed in a terrible, glorious, light and airy, deep and troubling joy”
James states it far better than I could ever hope to but what strikes me is that in the midst of tears and loss and pain and struggles it is possible and even Biblical to have and experience joy. That is an amazing aspect of Christianity that I think is very profound.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Back to the book “SAILING BETWEEN THE STARS” by Steven James
In one section of his book James tells the story of randomly meeting someone in a bookstore and during conversation the other man shared this word picture.
I’ve been thinking about this concept (dare I say “truth”) lately. When storms inevitably come our way, we are tested. The cliché is “will your anchor hold?”. I think for many of us, we think we are anchored but it turns out our boat is tied to the dock but the dock isn’t tied (anchored) to anything solid. Many of us too easily accept what we are told or even what we are taught without taking the time or effort of “learning” for our selves about the truths of the Bible. I think this is pretty common among our youth, but it is certainly not limited to any age group. “I go to church, my parents have told me this stuff so I guess that must be what I think also“ etc. But when the temptations come, when peer pressure hits, or the storms come, without solid mooring we are adrift.
My hope for you is that your dock is also tied down, solidly. And that you are working to keep it that way.
2 TIMOTHY. 2: 19
In one section of his book James tells the story of randomly meeting someone in a bookstore and during conversation the other man shared this word picture.
“I picture a quiet lake, and in the lake there’s a boat that’s tied to the dock. That’s all you see at first. But then, when you move back from the picture, you see that the dock isn’t attached to the shore. It’s floating out there in the middle of the lake along with the boat. That’s our society. We’ve tied our lives to the dock, but the dock isn’t tied to anything.”
I’ve been thinking about this concept (dare I say “truth”) lately. When storms inevitably come our way, we are tested. The cliché is “will your anchor hold?”. I think for many of us, we think we are anchored but it turns out our boat is tied to the dock but the dock isn’t tied (anchored) to anything solid. Many of us too easily accept what we are told or even what we are taught without taking the time or effort of “learning” for our selves about the truths of the Bible. I think this is pretty common among our youth, but it is certainly not limited to any age group. “I go to church, my parents have told me this stuff so I guess that must be what I think also“ etc. But when the temptations come, when peer pressure hits, or the storms come, without solid mooring we are adrift.
My hope for you is that your dock is also tied down, solidly. And that you are working to keep it that way.
2 TIMOTHY. 2: 19
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
TWO YEARS AND COUNTING
Monday the 8th was a day much like any other for Lisa and me. Off to work for both of us. In the evening she had people over for hair appointments and I had volleyball as is the case on most Mondays. But this Monday the 8th of Feb. was a very special day. It marked our two year anniversary. God is good! God bringing Lisa and me together after the devastation that happened in our lives is a gift I am thankful for everyday.
While Monday was pretty normal, our weekend was very special.
Lately Lisa has been reading a lot of books based on the lives of Amish folk. This has peaked her interest in them as a people. Their beliefs, customs, way of life, etc. are something that has intrigued her for some time now. So we decided to take our little overnight, anniversary get away down in Northern Indiana in the heart of one of the largest Amish populations in the country. We had a great time. It’s hard to beat an anniversary dinner at the Das Dutchman Essenhaus. The weather was decent and lots of horse and buggies were observed.
Again, thank you to those of you who keep our blended families in your prayers.
Don’t forget to let your loved ones know how much they are LOVED.
Monday the 8th was a day much like any other for Lisa and me. Off to work for both of us. In the evening she had people over for hair appointments and I had volleyball as is the case on most Mondays. But this Monday the 8th of Feb. was a very special day. It marked our two year anniversary. God is good! God bringing Lisa and me together after the devastation that happened in our lives is a gift I am thankful for everyday.
While Monday was pretty normal, our weekend was very special.
Lately Lisa has been reading a lot of books based on the lives of Amish folk. This has peaked her interest in them as a people. Their beliefs, customs, way of life, etc. are something that has intrigued her for some time now. So we decided to take our little overnight, anniversary get away down in Northern Indiana in the heart of one of the largest Amish populations in the country. We had a great time. It’s hard to beat an anniversary dinner at the Das Dutchman Essenhaus. The weather was decent and lots of horse and buggies were observed.
Again, thank you to those of you who keep our blended families in your prayers.
Don’t forget to let your loved ones know how much they are LOVED.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
AGATHOKAKOLOGICAL
In my last post I mentioned the author Stephen James and his book Sailing Between The Stars. This is a non fiction work that tells of some of the mysteries of faith from his perspective. I also stated that there would likely be more posts that make reference to this book.
So here is one.
A while back on my facebook status I put --word of the day is “agathokakological”. I though some of my “friends” might be curious enough about that word to inquire into its meaning. No one did, perhaps proving that facebook users don’t care what “friends” write in their status boxes. Or more likely no one cares what I write in mine. Which is ok for me to say because I not so sure anyone reads these posts either. (I digress).
Any way, agathokakological is a term used to express that something, or someone, me, has within them the capacity for good and evil, more literally “consisting of both good and evil”. This paradox of humans being both good and evil is one of the main themes in James’ book.
Following is an excerpt from Chapter one:
So is this comforting or unsettling? Does this explain a lot or give us an excuse? I guess it’s good to know I am not that different or worse than anyone else, that this condition seems to be part of the “human condition”. But, paradoxically (cool word), it is also sad to know that I have the same evil in me that inhabits the “worst” sociopaths of our world. I’m most certainly no better than anyone else.
So much to think about. . .
Good book. . . I know I will have to write more.
In my last post I mentioned the author Stephen James and his book Sailing Between The Stars. This is a non fiction work that tells of some of the mysteries of faith from his perspective. I also stated that there would likely be more posts that make reference to this book.
So here is one.
A while back on my facebook status I put --word of the day is “agathokakological”. I though some of my “friends” might be curious enough about that word to inquire into its meaning. No one did, perhaps proving that facebook users don’t care what “friends” write in their status boxes. Or more likely no one cares what I write in mine. Which is ok for me to say because I not so sure anyone reads these posts either. (I digress).
Any way, agathokakological is a term used to express that something, or someone, me, has within them the capacity for good and evil, more literally “consisting of both good and evil”. This paradox of humans being both good and evil is one of the main themes in James’ book.
Following is an excerpt from Chapter one:
"We’re from below and above, bestial and celestial, children of the earth and offspring of the stars. We are an odd race capable of both martyrdom and murder, poetry and rape, worship and abortion. And Christianity explains why: we are both the Spirit-breathed children of God and the expelled rebels of the kingdom…We’ve all listened to the snake. Yet we’re also children of the Father.”
So is this comforting or unsettling? Does this explain a lot or give us an excuse? I guess it’s good to know I am not that different or worse than anyone else, that this condition seems to be part of the “human condition”. But, paradoxically (cool word), it is also sad to know that I have the same evil in me that inhabits the “worst” sociopaths of our world. I’m most certainly no better than anyone else.
So much to think about. . .
Good book. . . I know I will have to write more.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
BOOKS
I like to read. It’s really not a love, it’s more of a like or maybe a “strong” like. I know of people that “love” to read. I’m not quite there. At some times, however, right after I’ve finished a book and before I can come up with another to read, there is definitely a feeling of loneliness; something is missing and I am always pretty anxious to find another “good read” as soon as possible.
The other thing about those who “love” to read is (it seems) they read more “meaningful” books than I do. For the most part, I read fiction/novels; I generally have a hard time sticking with most non-fiction books. That’s probably not a good thing as the non-fiction books are generally considered the “self-improvement” types. So I guess I’m missing out on improving myself. . .
One of the cool things that happens when you like to read is randomly coming across a new author, previously unknown to you. I have my long time favorites, Michener (#1), Follett, Iles, Grisham, Cussler, Baldacci and a few others. Recently I stumbled across a few new (to me) ones . Joseph Finder (he actually has one set around the office furniture industry in West Michigan) and Harlen Coben are a couple of my new favorites. There is one more that I am really enjoying right now. His name is Steven James (stevenjames.net). He is a Christian.
There was a review in our denominational magazine of one of his novels and it sounded like I might enjoy it. I gave it a try and am now hooked. THE PAWN, The Rook and The Knight are the three books in the series (best read in order) I am currently devouring. He is a Christian author that isn’t afraid to write about real life evil, but there is a value to everyone in his books, the good guys and the bad. On my facebook page a while back I posted a word of the day “agathokakological”. I thought that was a pretty cool word. It means “consisting of both good and evil”. That is a good description of our human condition. It is kind of at the root of James’ novels.
Steven James has also written some non-fiction books about his faith. I recently picked up SAILING BETWEEN THE STARS. He calls it “musings on the mysteries of faith”. I am totally enjoying it. He points out the ironies and paradoxes that are so much a part of Christian faith (excerpt- “Here, death is the beginning of life, foolishness is the pathway to wisdom, the meek conquer the strong, a lamb tramples a snake, and the almighty Creator of galaxies has a belly button.”) This book is full of stories and thoughts that spark thoughts in my (deteriorating) brain.
I am thinking a few of these thoughts are going to show up here in my blog in the future.
You might want to give this author a try.
I like to read. It’s really not a love, it’s more of a like or maybe a “strong” like. I know of people that “love” to read. I’m not quite there. At some times, however, right after I’ve finished a book and before I can come up with another to read, there is definitely a feeling of loneliness; something is missing and I am always pretty anxious to find another “good read” as soon as possible.
The other thing about those who “love” to read is (it seems) they read more “meaningful” books than I do. For the most part, I read fiction/novels; I generally have a hard time sticking with most non-fiction books. That’s probably not a good thing as the non-fiction books are generally considered the “self-improvement” types. So I guess I’m missing out on improving myself. . .
One of the cool things that happens when you like to read is randomly coming across a new author, previously unknown to you. I have my long time favorites, Michener (#1), Follett, Iles, Grisham, Cussler, Baldacci and a few others. Recently I stumbled across a few new (to me) ones . Joseph Finder (he actually has one set around the office furniture industry in West Michigan) and Harlen Coben are a couple of my new favorites. There is one more that I am really enjoying right now. His name is Steven James (stevenjames.net). He is a Christian.
There was a review in our denominational magazine of one of his novels and it sounded like I might enjoy it. I gave it a try and am now hooked. THE PAWN, The Rook and The Knight are the three books in the series (best read in order) I am currently devouring. He is a Christian author that isn’t afraid to write about real life evil, but there is a value to everyone in his books, the good guys and the bad. On my facebook page a while back I posted a word of the day “agathokakological”. I thought that was a pretty cool word. It means “consisting of both good and evil”. That is a good description of our human condition. It is kind of at the root of James’ novels.
Steven James has also written some non-fiction books about his faith. I recently picked up SAILING BETWEEN THE STARS. He calls it “musings on the mysteries of faith”. I am totally enjoying it. He points out the ironies and paradoxes that are so much a part of Christian faith (excerpt- “Here, death is the beginning of life, foolishness is the pathway to wisdom, the meek conquer the strong, a lamb tramples a snake, and the almighty Creator of galaxies has a belly button.”) This book is full of stories and thoughts that spark thoughts in my (deteriorating) brain.
I am thinking a few of these thoughts are going to show up here in my blog in the future.
You might want to give this author a try.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Ups and Downs
Once again I am struck by the ups and downs, good and bad, even life and death that come our way.
With our blended family, we have had the privilege of participating in five family Christmas celebrations. While it is somewhat stressful and causes a lot of busyness, I consider it a joy. How can a "celebration" be a bad thing, right? Amongst these holiday gatherings, we have also been blessed to attend two weddings. One of them being my oldest daughter, Amy. Wahoo Amy and Pete. What a joy, a gift, to give my daughter's hand in marriage to a fine young man like Pete. As I've said many times in the last few weeks "it's all good".
In the midst of our celebrating, though, comes the reminder that this life is flawed, that this world is stained. On Monday, the 28th, it would have been Lisa and Phil's 25th wedding anniversary. Marking points such as those are still difficult. Despite all efforts to try to keep one's mind from "going there", it still does. Lisa and I had a meaningful evening of reminiscing. We watched a video of their 20th anniversary trip to Hawaii and also a video of Bryan's speech at his high school chapel during his senior year. It was a speech in which he remembered the day his father died and his journey since that day that has lead to a deeper faith in Jesus as his Lord and Savior.
Then yesterday, as we were preparing to leave for our last Christmas party of the season, we got a call from one of Carol's brothers. Bill and Susan were also attending this party, as it was a gathering of that arm of the family. One of Susan's sisters had been told that she had cancer just about one month ago. She was determined to fight it. Bill and Susan received the bad news that she had passed away yesterday afternoon, just hours before our party. Another young widow, another motherless family, another family missing a dear sister, aunt, daughter. It's so wrong!
That's why we need Christmas. That's why we need a Savior like Jesus. That's why we need someone with the power to save. . . someone to make it alright.
Please pray for the family of Susan's sister as they start the new year with very sad hearts and a hole in their lives that only the Holy Spirit can fill.
Once again I am struck by the ups and downs, good and bad, even life and death that come our way.
With our blended family, we have had the privilege of participating in five family Christmas celebrations. While it is somewhat stressful and causes a lot of busyness, I consider it a joy. How can a "celebration" be a bad thing, right? Amongst these holiday gatherings, we have also been blessed to attend two weddings. One of them being my oldest daughter, Amy. Wahoo Amy and Pete. What a joy, a gift, to give my daughter's hand in marriage to a fine young man like Pete. As I've said many times in the last few weeks "it's all good".
In the midst of our celebrating, though, comes the reminder that this life is flawed, that this world is stained. On Monday, the 28th, it would have been Lisa and Phil's 25th wedding anniversary. Marking points such as those are still difficult. Despite all efforts to try to keep one's mind from "going there", it still does. Lisa and I had a meaningful evening of reminiscing. We watched a video of their 20th anniversary trip to Hawaii and also a video of Bryan's speech at his high school chapel during his senior year. It was a speech in which he remembered the day his father died and his journey since that day that has lead to a deeper faith in Jesus as his Lord and Savior.
Then yesterday, as we were preparing to leave for our last Christmas party of the season, we got a call from one of Carol's brothers. Bill and Susan were also attending this party, as it was a gathering of that arm of the family. One of Susan's sisters had been told that she had cancer just about one month ago. She was determined to fight it. Bill and Susan received the bad news that she had passed away yesterday afternoon, just hours before our party. Another young widow, another motherless family, another family missing a dear sister, aunt, daughter. It's so wrong!
That's why we need Christmas. That's why we need a Savior like Jesus. That's why we need someone with the power to save. . . someone to make it alright.
Please pray for the family of Susan's sister as they start the new year with very sad hearts and a hole in their lives that only the Holy Spirit can fill.
Monday, March 23, 2009
A HOME OF OUR OWN
Oh boy! Our Shoreway house is almost complete. There are a few things that need to be done yet but for the most part ….
We can’t wait.
As with many blended families/households our housing situation has been in flux for too long. Lisa and I knew, before we were married, that we had to address the issue of housing. Thank goodness that God places people in my life with more wisdom than I have the horsepower to muster on my own. Lisa helped me see that the best situation would be to sell both of our homes and get something that we could call ours. To have one spouse move into the home of the other in our situation just did not seem like a long term, healthy situation. As many of you know Lisa and her family have moved three times since Phil died. When we move into Shoreway it will be their fourth. We have boxes that they have not opened since moving out of their Woodsboro home in 2006.
When we were married in Feb of 08, Lisa and Kelli moved in with me in the home I had owned for nearly 28 yrs. We began working toward fixing things up sufficiently for selling, but that took time. Understandably that time period was difficult for Lisa. It’s way past time for Lisa and her kids have a place that they can settle into, a place to call home.
Even before we were married we started going through open houses just to get an idea of what might be available and what we may like to look for in a house. At that time we never imagined building a new house. We continued to look throughout the first half of 2008 and in some houses we would like some things and other things in other houses. We never really found one that we really cared to pursue.
Through a series of events we decided to consider building. We found a lot in a nice, new sub-division that a builder wanted to sell, badly. He made us an offer we couldn’t refuse and … here we are. The process has been interesting, at times stressful. We have always been excited about the progress and now the move in date is very near! A new start, in a new home, built on love and grace, is a gift.
We have felt tremendous support during our sojourn from all of you who have kept Lisa and me and our families in your thoughts and prayers. We can not thank you enough. We ask for continued prayer that our new home, Lisa’s and mine, will be a home where the love of God is always present and all who walk through the doors are as blessed as we have been.
Psalm 127:1
Oh boy! Our Shoreway house is almost complete. There are a few things that need to be done yet but for the most part ….
We can’t wait.
As with many blended families/households our housing situation has been in flux for too long. Lisa and I knew, before we were married, that we had to address the issue of housing. Thank goodness that God places people in my life with more wisdom than I have the horsepower to muster on my own. Lisa helped me see that the best situation would be to sell both of our homes and get something that we could call ours. To have one spouse move into the home of the other in our situation just did not seem like a long term, healthy situation. As many of you know Lisa and her family have moved three times since Phil died. When we move into Shoreway it will be their fourth. We have boxes that they have not opened since moving out of their Woodsboro home in 2006.
When we were married in Feb of 08, Lisa and Kelli moved in with me in the home I had owned for nearly 28 yrs. We began working toward fixing things up sufficiently for selling, but that took time. Understandably that time period was difficult for Lisa. It’s way past time for Lisa and her kids have a place that they can settle into, a place to call home.
Even before we were married we started going through open houses just to get an idea of what might be available and what we may like to look for in a house. At that time we never imagined building a new house. We continued to look throughout the first half of 2008 and in some houses we would like some things and other things in other houses. We never really found one that we really cared to pursue.
Through a series of events we decided to consider building. We found a lot in a nice, new sub-division that a builder wanted to sell, badly. He made us an offer we couldn’t refuse and … here we are. The process has been interesting, at times stressful. We have always been excited about the progress and now the move in date is very near! A new start, in a new home, built on love and grace, is a gift.
We have felt tremendous support during our sojourn from all of you who have kept Lisa and me and our families in your thoughts and prayers. We can not thank you enough. We ask for continued prayer that our new home, Lisa’s and mine, will be a home where the love of God is always present and all who walk through the doors are as blessed as we have been.
Psalm 127:1
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
DIS-GRACED
Sometimes, it seems, life is full of so many questions. Lately I have been thinking a lot about grace. As a “lifelong” Christian I understand grace. I understand how “amazing” it is. I think I have a good grasp of the concept.
My question is why do I feel so “disgraced” at times? Why do I feel that at different times something quite the opposite of grace is at work in my life? Does grace ebb and flow, increase and decrease? Is grace given then reneged upon? What does it mean to “fall from grace”? Do things I say, do or think cause this (perceived) retraction of grace? If so then was it ever “grace”…? Do I have to earn grace? Is it right for a Christian to assume grace?
I’ve come to believe that grace, God’s grace, is very foundational to my faith. I am constantly aware that I cannot earn love, salvation, Kingdom consideration, without grace. So what happens to faith when that foundation seams to dissolve? Inevitably it gets shaky.
I remember a poster that I had on my bedroom wall as a teen. It showed a chess board with one of the king game pieces on its normal spot and the only other piece on the board was a pawn, many spaces away. The caption said “if you no longer feel close to God, guess who moved”. I know God is constant. His love is constant. I know He is the same one true God yesterday, today and forever. I know that throughout history He has loved and lavished grace on others just as reject able as me. That gives me hope.
Recently, I have come across the following excerpt from a sermon by Lewis Smedes.
“Well, what's so terrific about grace? I’ll tell you. I'll tell you one thing: for me, it gives me courage and confidence to know that the Maker of the Universe is on my side and that the Judge of the whole world accepts me just the way I am, with all my blots and blemishes. The bad with the good all mixed together. He accepts me, all of me, with no strings attached.
Without the grace of God, I think I’d be haunted by a brooding, guilty conscience about some of the harmful things I’ve said and done in my lifetime. But with the grace of God, I can look myself straight in the eyes and say to myself: "Nothing bad you have ever done can get God to reject you." And nothing can get God to accept you more willingly than he accepts you right now.
Some days when we get sick and tired of trying to be good enough to be acceptable to other people, fed up with trying to make sure people like us and accept us, God's grace just may slip inside our ears and whisper to our hearts: "You are already accepted. You are accepted. You’re accepted. And you will never, never be rejected." That, that is what is so amazing about grace.”
I know this is true. I will try to live as one accepted, never to be rejected, a “child” of God!
2 Corinthians 12:9
Sometimes, it seems, life is full of so many questions. Lately I have been thinking a lot about grace. As a “lifelong” Christian I understand grace. I understand how “amazing” it is. I think I have a good grasp of the concept.
My question is why do I feel so “disgraced” at times? Why do I feel that at different times something quite the opposite of grace is at work in my life? Does grace ebb and flow, increase and decrease? Is grace given then reneged upon? What does it mean to “fall from grace”? Do things I say, do or think cause this (perceived) retraction of grace? If so then was it ever “grace”…? Do I have to earn grace? Is it right for a Christian to assume grace?
I’ve come to believe that grace, God’s grace, is very foundational to my faith. I am constantly aware that I cannot earn love, salvation, Kingdom consideration, without grace. So what happens to faith when that foundation seams to dissolve? Inevitably it gets shaky.
I remember a poster that I had on my bedroom wall as a teen. It showed a chess board with one of the king game pieces on its normal spot and the only other piece on the board was a pawn, many spaces away. The caption said “if you no longer feel close to God, guess who moved”. I know God is constant. His love is constant. I know He is the same one true God yesterday, today and forever. I know that throughout history He has loved and lavished grace on others just as reject able as me. That gives me hope.
Recently, I have come across the following excerpt from a sermon by Lewis Smedes.
“Well, what's so terrific about grace? I’ll tell you. I'll tell you one thing: for me, it gives me courage and confidence to know that the Maker of the Universe is on my side and that the Judge of the whole world accepts me just the way I am, with all my blots and blemishes. The bad with the good all mixed together. He accepts me, all of me, with no strings attached.
Without the grace of God, I think I’d be haunted by a brooding, guilty conscience about some of the harmful things I’ve said and done in my lifetime. But with the grace of God, I can look myself straight in the eyes and say to myself: "Nothing bad you have ever done can get God to reject you." And nothing can get God to accept you more willingly than he accepts you right now.
Some days when we get sick and tired of trying to be good enough to be acceptable to other people, fed up with trying to make sure people like us and accept us, God's grace just may slip inside our ears and whisper to our hearts: "You are already accepted. You are accepted. You’re accepted. And you will never, never be rejected." That, that is what is so amazing about grace.”
I know this is true. I will try to live as one accepted, never to be rejected, a “child” of God!
2 Corinthians 12:9
Sunday, March 01, 2009
“The Shack”
I had heard a little about this book titled The Shack and it sounded like something I would like to read so I included it on my Christmas list. Sure enough, I did receive it as a gift, and am now reading it. My guess is that many of you have already read it. It is very thought provoking, particularly regarding the nature of our triune God.
I am not a swift reader and am not able to spend a lot of time reading so I cover only a few pages each day. In this book, on nearly every page, I have found words that are profound to me. As I read them I find myself thinking that I would like to explore certain concepts the author touches on and possibly write about them. But these days, it seems, writing doesn’t come as naturally to me and there is simply less time to do that sort of thing (and that’s ok, I’m not complaining).
One thing, though, that I’ve read recently is kind of sticking with me. In one of the passages the character representing God the Father tells the main (human) character that “life is a process not an event”. For some reason that phrase keeps floating around in my head. I’m not sure why it hits me so profoundly. It may be because of all the “processing” (could make a reference to being in a food processor here but that would be a little melodramatic) that has occurred in my life in the last few years.
We sometimes think of our life, our time on this planet, as an event, I think. Maybe it’s that we look at our lives as a series of events. We merely go from one thing to the next as time goes on and “that’s life”. I have come to understand that a series of events does not equal a process. A process can be defined as a series of actions but with a purpose. A process implies a change or on going developments, with growth and improvement as a result. Maybe the wise among us learn this very early on in life. Maybe for some of us it takes a little more time, like a “process”.
I am thankful that we are not alone in this life long process. I am thankful that the creator of this universe is with us every step. I am thankful that He loves us unconditionally, even when we screw up big time. If we allow Him to lead us, if we will follow, if I will slow down enough to listen, the process of healing, of redemption, of sanctification can continue more effectively.
I had heard a little about this book titled The Shack and it sounded like something I would like to read so I included it on my Christmas list. Sure enough, I did receive it as a gift, and am now reading it. My guess is that many of you have already read it. It is very thought provoking, particularly regarding the nature of our triune God.
I am not a swift reader and am not able to spend a lot of time reading so I cover only a few pages each day. In this book, on nearly every page, I have found words that are profound to me. As I read them I find myself thinking that I would like to explore certain concepts the author touches on and possibly write about them. But these days, it seems, writing doesn’t come as naturally to me and there is simply less time to do that sort of thing (and that’s ok, I’m not complaining).
One thing, though, that I’ve read recently is kind of sticking with me. In one of the passages the character representing God the Father tells the main (human) character that “life is a process not an event”. For some reason that phrase keeps floating around in my head. I’m not sure why it hits me so profoundly. It may be because of all the “processing” (could make a reference to being in a food processor here but that would be a little melodramatic) that has occurred in my life in the last few years.
We sometimes think of our life, our time on this planet, as an event, I think. Maybe it’s that we look at our lives as a series of events. We merely go from one thing to the next as time goes on and “that’s life”. I have come to understand that a series of events does not equal a process. A process can be defined as a series of actions but with a purpose. A process implies a change or on going developments, with growth and improvement as a result. Maybe the wise among us learn this very early on in life. Maybe for some of us it takes a little more time, like a “process”.
I am thankful that we are not alone in this life long process. I am thankful that the creator of this universe is with us every step. I am thankful that He loves us unconditionally, even when we screw up big time. If we allow Him to lead us, if we will follow, if I will slow down enough to listen, the process of healing, of redemption, of sanctification can continue more effectively.
Monday, February 09, 2009
ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY
God is good! This Sunday, the 8th, is our first anniversary. Lisa and I have so much to be thankful for. Some time ago I wrote about how our lives are like jigsaw puzzles and we work throughout our lives to complete the picture that God intended when he created the pieces. Along the way we lose pieces so the picture has to change. In this past year, Lisa and I have been striving to make something beautiful from the “puzzle pieces” that remain in our lives. Some pieces seem to fit together more effortlessly than others, but, I believe, God is continuing to make a beautiful “picture” in our lives.
Thank you to all of you who have supported us in the past in so many ways. We ask you to keep lifting our family up in prayer as we continue to work at getting our pieces to fit into one, pleasant, and fulfilling picture.
God is good! This Sunday, the 8th, is our first anniversary. Lisa and I have so much to be thankful for. Some time ago I wrote about how our lives are like jigsaw puzzles and we work throughout our lives to complete the picture that God intended when he created the pieces. Along the way we lose pieces so the picture has to change. In this past year, Lisa and I have been striving to make something beautiful from the “puzzle pieces” that remain in our lives. Some pieces seem to fit together more effortlessly than others, but, I believe, God is continuing to make a beautiful “picture” in our lives.
Thank you to all of you who have supported us in the past in so many ways. We ask you to keep lifting our family up in prayer as we continue to work at getting our pieces to fit into one, pleasant, and fulfilling picture.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Friday Night
Something that I think about often is how life all fits together. Maybe I am learning more about this as I age. Maybe I see things a little more in the rear view mirror (as my rear view mirror grows larger every day). I see how things from the past, choices, events, relationships, etc. continue to “ripple” into the future. Some of those things are not necessarily good things. Bad choices continue to have unwanted consequences. But there are so many good things that, by God’s grace, have happened to me in the past that I can still enjoy the blessings of them now as life goes on. One such time of enjoyment was this past Friday night.
Raidel is a young man from Cuba who came to live for a time with our family. He came to us in 2002 and continues to live in the area while attending seminary. I consider him my "Cuban son". He is married now and he and his wife look forward to working in God’s kingdom wherever they are called. Raidel had to basically leave his family behind when he made the decision to study in the US. He has been back to Cuba for visits but those are brief and few.
Because of the circumstances, I never anticipated that I would ever have the opportunity to meet Raidel’s parents. That has changed this winter as both Raidel’s mother and father are here visiting. This past Friday, Lisa and I had the pleasure of taking Raidel, Marcy and Raidel’s Mom and Dad to DeWitt to visit my Mom. She and my sister made a fantastic meal (as usual) and we had a great time. The blessing was in seeing my Mom and Raidel’s Mom bond. Even though they could not understand any thing the other was saying because of the language barrier, they seemed to connect as Godly, Christian mothers. Raidel’s parents were so happy to finally express their appreciation for our family’s care and nurturing of Raidel. His Dad made special mention of wanting to meet and express thanks to the family/parents of the persons that had become loving parents to Raidel. It was very moving. It was a meaningful, memorable, moment in time.
Anyway, I thank God for giving us the courage to step up in the past when maybe it would be easier to take a different path. To be bold in our faith, to step out of our comfort zone, to challenge our “laziness” is to allow God to work in such a way that years into the future we can still be blessed by the ramifications of our good deeds. I can only imagine what I have missed in my life by refusing to obey and follow in those circumstances where God has tried leading in my life.
Something that I think about often is how life all fits together. Maybe I am learning more about this as I age. Maybe I see things a little more in the rear view mirror (as my rear view mirror grows larger every day). I see how things from the past, choices, events, relationships, etc. continue to “ripple” into the future. Some of those things are not necessarily good things. Bad choices continue to have unwanted consequences. But there are so many good things that, by God’s grace, have happened to me in the past that I can still enjoy the blessings of them now as life goes on. One such time of enjoyment was this past Friday night.
Raidel is a young man from Cuba who came to live for a time with our family. He came to us in 2002 and continues to live in the area while attending seminary. I consider him my "Cuban son". He is married now and he and his wife look forward to working in God’s kingdom wherever they are called. Raidel had to basically leave his family behind when he made the decision to study in the US. He has been back to Cuba for visits but those are brief and few.
Because of the circumstances, I never anticipated that I would ever have the opportunity to meet Raidel’s parents. That has changed this winter as both Raidel’s mother and father are here visiting. This past Friday, Lisa and I had the pleasure of taking Raidel, Marcy and Raidel’s Mom and Dad to DeWitt to visit my Mom. She and my sister made a fantastic meal (as usual) and we had a great time. The blessing was in seeing my Mom and Raidel’s Mom bond. Even though they could not understand any thing the other was saying because of the language barrier, they seemed to connect as Godly, Christian mothers. Raidel’s parents were so happy to finally express their appreciation for our family’s care and nurturing of Raidel. His Dad made special mention of wanting to meet and express thanks to the family/parents of the persons that had become loving parents to Raidel. It was very moving. It was a meaningful, memorable, moment in time.
Anyway, I thank God for giving us the courage to step up in the past when maybe it would be easier to take a different path. To be bold in our faith, to step out of our comfort zone, to challenge our “laziness” is to allow God to work in such a way that years into the future we can still be blessed by the ramifications of our good deeds. I can only imagine what I have missed in my life by refusing to obey and follow in those circumstances where God has tried leading in my life.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Amy and Pete
There is more great news regarding the make up of our family. Our family is once again growing!! (No, Lisa and I are not great with child). My daughter, Amy, is engaged! Pete, very sweetly, popped the question this past Friday evening. Lisa and I, and the entire family couldn’t be happier. They make a great young couple. They are both such great kids and their relationship is truly rooted in Christ’s love for them.
Answered prayer!
There is more great news regarding the make up of our family. Our family is once again growing!! (No, Lisa and I are not great with child). My daughter, Amy, is engaged! Pete, very sweetly, popped the question this past Friday evening. Lisa and I, and the entire family couldn’t be happier. They make a great young couple. They are both such great kids and their relationship is truly rooted in Christ’s love for them.
Answered prayer!
Thursday, December 04, 2008
SUMMER OF 08’
So, I’m back with more non-profundities.
“Those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer...” Not so much this summer. Maybe crazy does apply. Wow! I can’t believe it is the end of the year and the holidays are here. When I look back at the activities since summer began, it’s no wonder I haven’t written anything. ...So many stories, so little time to share them.
A few of the biggies this summer include Sara’s graduation and wedding a few weeks later :), Matt’s graduation, many softball games, basketball games, many trips to DeWitt to see Mom and a quick, drive through the night type, trip to Colorado to visit Kevin. We also squeezed in a trip to Ohio for a family reunion weekend. In addition to all of that activity, we worked very hard at preparing my house on Azalea St for selling.
After our wedding in February, Lisa and her daughter moved into my house. From the beginning we knew that it would be best to sell both of our houses and get one that would be “ours” together. Before I had even started dating Lisa, I had begun to remodel my kitchen knowing it needed updating asap. As we looked forward to selling, the kitchen project became a high priority. We painted the cabinets, installed new counters and backsplashes, new flooring and painted the walls. As I am too “dutch” to pay someone else for what I can do myself, I did it myself. Of course, that takes a longer amount of time. Once we completed the kitchen we contacted a realtor and put our house on the market. The real estate market in Michigan pretty much stinks as many of you know, but God is good and our house sold fairly easily. We had it priced aggressively and the new kitchen and addition really helped. So, in August we were packing like crazy, preparing for our moving date. In the meantime we decided to build a new home (another story...). We are very excited about building but that meant finding a place to live temporarily while our home is being built. Again God had that one figured out long before we did and we were led to a nice little home in Wyoming that very adequately meets our temporary needs, dogs and all. We will likely be on Walter St until mid-March or so.
It has been a pleasure seeing our two families “blend”. There continue to be challenges but so far things have gone very well. We appreciate the continued prayers of many as our families move forward together. Bryan recently gave a speech at the high school he graduated from and one of his themes was “restoration”. It is good to observe that our children also see the restoration process happening in our lives.
Lisa and I wish each of you a Blessed Holiday season. We pray that LOVE may increase in the coming year.
So, I’m back with more non-profundities.
“Those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer...” Not so much this summer. Maybe crazy does apply. Wow! I can’t believe it is the end of the year and the holidays are here. When I look back at the activities since summer began, it’s no wonder I haven’t written anything. ...So many stories, so little time to share them.
A few of the biggies this summer include Sara’s graduation and wedding a few weeks later :), Matt’s graduation, many softball games, basketball games, many trips to DeWitt to see Mom and a quick, drive through the night type, trip to Colorado to visit Kevin. We also squeezed in a trip to Ohio for a family reunion weekend. In addition to all of that activity, we worked very hard at preparing my house on Azalea St for selling.
After our wedding in February, Lisa and her daughter moved into my house. From the beginning we knew that it would be best to sell both of our houses and get one that would be “ours” together. Before I had even started dating Lisa, I had begun to remodel my kitchen knowing it needed updating asap. As we looked forward to selling, the kitchen project became a high priority. We painted the cabinets, installed new counters and backsplashes, new flooring and painted the walls. As I am too “dutch” to pay someone else for what I can do myself, I did it myself. Of course, that takes a longer amount of time. Once we completed the kitchen we contacted a realtor and put our house on the market. The real estate market in Michigan pretty much stinks as many of you know, but God is good and our house sold fairly easily. We had it priced aggressively and the new kitchen and addition really helped. So, in August we were packing like crazy, preparing for our moving date. In the meantime we decided to build a new home (another story...). We are very excited about building but that meant finding a place to live temporarily while our home is being built. Again God had that one figured out long before we did and we were led to a nice little home in Wyoming that very adequately meets our temporary needs, dogs and all. We will likely be on Walter St until mid-March or so.
It has been a pleasure seeing our two families “blend”. There continue to be challenges but so far things have gone very well. We appreciate the continued prayers of many as our families move forward together. Bryan recently gave a speech at the high school he graduated from and one of his themes was “restoration”. It is good to observe that our children also see the restoration process happening in our lives.
Lisa and I wish each of you a Blessed Holiday season. We pray that LOVE may increase in the coming year.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I have decided to (finally) start again with posting a few thoughts from time to time. The direction of my thoughts will be quite different than they were in the beginning. This change is a testimony to God's healing power.
Because of the "new direction" I am also changing the layout and opening blog description, however I want to mark that point in time by saving the old description within this post.
Thank you to all of you who have stayed in touch with my "journey" by stopping by to read these pages from time to time and for you prayers offered on behalf of Carol's loved ones as you read these pages.
Bear's Blog
I have always said Aug. 5, 1977 was the happiest day of my life. That was the day I was united in marraige to Carol. Then, in April of 2006, out of the blue, she started having problems breathing and on May 7, 2006 she died. That day will forever be the saddest in my life. This blog site will be a place for me to record some of my "grief journey". You are welcome to read along and comment with your thoughts as well. Fred
Because of the "new direction" I am also changing the layout and opening blog description, however I want to mark that point in time by saving the old description within this post.
Thank you to all of you who have stayed in touch with my "journey" by stopping by to read these pages from time to time and for you prayers offered on behalf of Carol's loved ones as you read these pages.
Bear's Blog
I have always said Aug. 5, 1977 was the happiest day of my life. That was the day I was united in marraige to Carol. Then, in April of 2006, out of the blue, she started having problems breathing and on May 7, 2006 she died. That day will forever be the saddest in my life. This blog site will be a place for me to record some of my "grief journey". You are welcome to read along and comment with your thoughts as well. Fred
Saturday, May 03, 2008
It's been two years...
My Dear Carol,
Wow, I can’t even begin this letter with out tears coming to my eyes. I am finally starting it after not being able to so many times before. This is very difficult and if this were paper it would be wet with tears. The emotion I feel writing this is a bit of a surprise to me, but I really wanted to send you a note, now, at the two year anniversary of the lowest point in my life. So here it goes.
Well, it has been two years since your death. Sadly your arrival in Glory had to include losing you here on earth, where tons of people still miss you like crazy. We have tried to make some sense of it but that really hasn’t been easy. I guess I still think your death was a wrong result of sin in this world. But God also gives grace and healing for us to be able to proceed with our earthly lives without you.
We, the kids and I, are doing pretty well here. I think you would be proud of us. I have to say that first summer was extremely difficult. For me the only thing worse than climbing into bed alone at night was getting out of bed in the morning and facing the day alone. As you would imagine, our family and friends from church offered us tremendous support, and still do. That first summer, between Tim and Maxine, my sister Marcie, and others, there were hardly any evenings that I was home alone. They were wonderful listeners and supporters even as they themselves were grieving your death.
I think the kids are ok. Early on, they too, had their circle of friends and supporters who were wonderful and there for them in countless ways. You would be extremely proud of the young adults they have become. I continue to see you in them every day and for that I am so very thankful.
Amy actually has your job at Hillside. Everyone keeps telling me what an outstanding job she is doing there. I know, also, that they miss you tremendously at Hillside. Amy has also bought her own house. It was a real fixer upper and she did a wonderful job of turning it into a very nice home. As we were working on it, I was thinking about how much you would have loved to be there cleaning, painting and helping Amy any way you could. Here’s some big news! How I wish you could be here to share and celebrate this. Amy has a boyfriend. His name is Pete and he is a good friend of Laura’s husband Tim. They make a great couple and seem very compatible. Amy seems very happy!
Perhaps the news about Sara is even bigger. She is doing great. I’m so proud of her. She is graduating from Calvin this May with her nursing degree. She has worked so hard at it...while working two other jobs. She has been hired full time by Spectrum hospitals here in town. She and I have had many good talks since your death and her gentle spirit continues to be a blessing to us all. Her graduation is May 17 at VanAndel Arena. Maybe you could look in if things work that way. Here’s the big news about Sara. You really won’t want to miss this. On June 21 she is getting married. She started dating Laura C’s brother Josh and before long they were engaged. There have been showers and parties, etc. in Sara’s honor. We all wish so much that you could be here to enjoy this time with her.
Matt is doing very well. I think maybe he has missed you the most. I know he still misses all the funning around the two of you used to do and I know he misses your input and direction in his life. He has been attending a local film school and has really dug into it in a way you would be proud of. You would love that he always stays positive, and never speaks poorly about anyone. He has become very involved at Hillside also on a volunteer basis. He sings, he plays guitar, and recently has begun doing many video type presentations. These are shown during services and other special occasions. I hope you got a chance to see some of his (and Amy’s) work recently at the “Hillcademy” awards evening. I also hope you got a chance to see him as the” Beast” in Beauty and the Beast last summer at CCP. He is a very talented young man (takes after you). So far there are no love interests for him, but he can’t afford to consider it just yet.
As for me, yes my life has been changed in huge ways. Nearly everything you and I had ever dreamed of went out the window. There is that cliché about “a new normal” but that doesn’t come easily. I’ve learned so much about death and grief, stuff no one would ever want to learn. I learned that grief, in some form, will be with me as long as I live. It has gotten less intense, of course, but I still have my moments.
One of the things young widows talk about is that their spouses would want them to be happy. As impossible as that seems at first, I know that is what you would want for me. I have tried to remain positive and maybe I have succeeded at that on some level. I have tried to trust that God has some big picture plan that makes all this worth while and maybe I have succeeded at that on some level as well. I do believe the God I have believed in my entire life has never left me. I believe he has worked diligently in all of our lives since May 7th, putting the leftover pieces back together in good ways.
Honey, I really believe you will be happy to know that last summer I met another widow who quickly became very special to me. We met while both attending a widow support group. Her husband, Phil, died a few months before you. Her name is Lisa. Lisa and I have often wondered if the two of you have met each other there in heaven. We both definitely feel like the Lord has brought us together. I look back and think about last summer and all the feelings bouncing around in my head, but I feel very strongly that it was God who made it possible for me to love romantically again after losing you. Lisa is a sweetheart and maybe it’s strange, but I wish you could meet her. I know you would approve of our relationship. We really have a lot in common and she has been through a very difficult grief journey herself. Much like loving a second child without loving the first less, I want you to know that I really love Lisa. She is a gift that could only be given by a GOOD God. We were married on February 8th. Pastor Ron performed the wedding and did a great job given the losses that our two families had experienced. Lisa has three, great kids also. It has been a real pleasure getting to know them in a deeper way. I just pray that I may learn how to be a good “step dad”. I never figured that would ever be a role I would have to fill. It really does seem like I’ve stepped into a new life. Lisa has been great with Amy, Sara and Matt also and they really seem to enjoy having her in their lives. I must say also that your Mom and Dad, not surprisingly, have gone out of there way to make Lisa (and kids) feel comfortable in our family. They have been great to all of us.
Honey, there are still a couple of things I think about often. I’m so sorry I never got to say “goodbye” to you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you, holding you at the end. I never imagined you would be leaving when you did. I was just out of the room letting the doctors and nurses do their work, then you were gone. I ask for your forgiveness in that. Had I known, they couldn’t have pried me away from you.
I still wonder about heaven. What it’s really like. What you’re doing. What you’re seeing. Some day, soon enough, I know I will find out for my self. I am learning that whether one lives 1 week, 18 years, 50 years, or a hundred years, it’s all really just a short time, then we get to walk the “streets of gold” that lead to the “sea of crystal” for eternity. I know I will see you again then.
Until Then
Your Loving Husband
Fred
My Dear Carol,
Wow, I can’t even begin this letter with out tears coming to my eyes. I am finally starting it after not being able to so many times before. This is very difficult and if this were paper it would be wet with tears. The emotion I feel writing this is a bit of a surprise to me, but I really wanted to send you a note, now, at the two year anniversary of the lowest point in my life. So here it goes.
Well, it has been two years since your death. Sadly your arrival in Glory had to include losing you here on earth, where tons of people still miss you like crazy. We have tried to make some sense of it but that really hasn’t been easy. I guess I still think your death was a wrong result of sin in this world. But God also gives grace and healing for us to be able to proceed with our earthly lives without you.
We, the kids and I, are doing pretty well here. I think you would be proud of us. I have to say that first summer was extremely difficult. For me the only thing worse than climbing into bed alone at night was getting out of bed in the morning and facing the day alone. As you would imagine, our family and friends from church offered us tremendous support, and still do. That first summer, between Tim and Maxine, my sister Marcie, and others, there were hardly any evenings that I was home alone. They were wonderful listeners and supporters even as they themselves were grieving your death.
I think the kids are ok. Early on, they too, had their circle of friends and supporters who were wonderful and there for them in countless ways. You would be extremely proud of the young adults they have become. I continue to see you in them every day and for that I am so very thankful.
Amy actually has your job at Hillside. Everyone keeps telling me what an outstanding job she is doing there. I know, also, that they miss you tremendously at Hillside. Amy has also bought her own house. It was a real fixer upper and she did a wonderful job of turning it into a very nice home. As we were working on it, I was thinking about how much you would have loved to be there cleaning, painting and helping Amy any way you could. Here’s some big news! How I wish you could be here to share and celebrate this. Amy has a boyfriend. His name is Pete and he is a good friend of Laura’s husband Tim. They make a great couple and seem very compatible. Amy seems very happy!
Perhaps the news about Sara is even bigger. She is doing great. I’m so proud of her. She is graduating from Calvin this May with her nursing degree. She has worked so hard at it...while working two other jobs. She has been hired full time by Spectrum hospitals here in town. She and I have had many good talks since your death and her gentle spirit continues to be a blessing to us all. Her graduation is May 17 at VanAndel Arena. Maybe you could look in if things work that way. Here’s the big news about Sara. You really won’t want to miss this. On June 21 she is getting married. She started dating Laura C’s brother Josh and before long they were engaged. There have been showers and parties, etc. in Sara’s honor. We all wish so much that you could be here to enjoy this time with her.
Matt is doing very well. I think maybe he has missed you the most. I know he still misses all the funning around the two of you used to do and I know he misses your input and direction in his life. He has been attending a local film school and has really dug into it in a way you would be proud of. You would love that he always stays positive, and never speaks poorly about anyone. He has become very involved at Hillside also on a volunteer basis. He sings, he plays guitar, and recently has begun doing many video type presentations. These are shown during services and other special occasions. I hope you got a chance to see some of his (and Amy’s) work recently at the “Hillcademy” awards evening. I also hope you got a chance to see him as the” Beast” in Beauty and the Beast last summer at CCP. He is a very talented young man (takes after you). So far there are no love interests for him, but he can’t afford to consider it just yet.
As for me, yes my life has been changed in huge ways. Nearly everything you and I had ever dreamed of went out the window. There is that cliché about “a new normal” but that doesn’t come easily. I’ve learned so much about death and grief, stuff no one would ever want to learn. I learned that grief, in some form, will be with me as long as I live. It has gotten less intense, of course, but I still have my moments.
One of the things young widows talk about is that their spouses would want them to be happy. As impossible as that seems at first, I know that is what you would want for me. I have tried to remain positive and maybe I have succeeded at that on some level. I have tried to trust that God has some big picture plan that makes all this worth while and maybe I have succeeded at that on some level as well. I do believe the God I have believed in my entire life has never left me. I believe he has worked diligently in all of our lives since May 7th, putting the leftover pieces back together in good ways.
Honey, I really believe you will be happy to know that last summer I met another widow who quickly became very special to me. We met while both attending a widow support group. Her husband, Phil, died a few months before you. Her name is Lisa. Lisa and I have often wondered if the two of you have met each other there in heaven. We both definitely feel like the Lord has brought us together. I look back and think about last summer and all the feelings bouncing around in my head, but I feel very strongly that it was God who made it possible for me to love romantically again after losing you. Lisa is a sweetheart and maybe it’s strange, but I wish you could meet her. I know you would approve of our relationship. We really have a lot in common and she has been through a very difficult grief journey herself. Much like loving a second child without loving the first less, I want you to know that I really love Lisa. She is a gift that could only be given by a GOOD God. We were married on February 8th. Pastor Ron performed the wedding and did a great job given the losses that our two families had experienced. Lisa has three, great kids also. It has been a real pleasure getting to know them in a deeper way. I just pray that I may learn how to be a good “step dad”. I never figured that would ever be a role I would have to fill. It really does seem like I’ve stepped into a new life. Lisa has been great with Amy, Sara and Matt also and they really seem to enjoy having her in their lives. I must say also that your Mom and Dad, not surprisingly, have gone out of there way to make Lisa (and kids) feel comfortable in our family. They have been great to all of us.
Honey, there are still a couple of things I think about often. I’m so sorry I never got to say “goodbye” to you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you, holding you at the end. I never imagined you would be leaving when you did. I was just out of the room letting the doctors and nurses do their work, then you were gone. I ask for your forgiveness in that. Had I known, they couldn’t have pried me away from you.
I still wonder about heaven. What it’s really like. What you’re doing. What you’re seeing. Some day, soon enough, I know I will find out for my self. I am learning that whether one lives 1 week, 18 years, 50 years, or a hundred years, it’s all really just a short time, then we get to walk the “streets of gold” that lead to the “sea of crystal” for eternity. I know I will see you again then.
Until Then
Your Loving Husband
Fred
Monday, March 31, 2008
Death
I don’t know that I have ever understood death. I don’t know if I still understand death. Although I have learned a lot more about it in the last couple of years. This weekend we were reminded again, a little bit, about the nature of death. One of Lisa’s uncles passed away last Thursday.
I had only met him once and did not know him at all. I do know that this family, largely through the loss of Phil, Lisa’s late husband, has to struggle again with the pain of losing a loved one. The thing that got me thinking about this was Lisa’s mother-in-law mentioning that she had asked her brother to say hello to Phil when he got to heaven.
I remember saying those exact same words when I last saw my Uncle John. That was in July of 2006, two months after Carol died. My Dad had died in March, Carol in May and now my dear uncle was obviously nearing the end of his life. When I had to leave him that day I knew that this would be the last time I would see him alive. I knew that within a few earthly days he would be seeing Carol and my Dad within the glorious beauty and majesty of heaven. I asked him to say hi and to tell them both that we missed them like crazy. I cried and cried just asking him to do that. He didn’t cry at all. I think he was so at peace with the thought of going there that he really longed for it. He was getting weaker by the minute and other physical issues made it difficult for him at the end, and I think he truly longed to be HOME.
Do you think that happens? Can we bring a message from this life over into our heavenly existence? I’m thinking yes. I’m thinking that while time in heaven may or may not be running parallel to earthly time, there is an awareness of one’s earthly existence, one’s relationships, and one’s thought process, etc. I remember reading a book about heaven after Carol died. It seemed that I wanted to learn all I could about it because the person I loved more than anything was now there. I really wanted to get an idea of what she was experiencing. One of the most comforting things I learned was that our loved ones can continue to intercede on behalf of their loved ones while in heaven. WOW! In the months since Carol’s death I have often been encouraged by that thought.
While death seems so final and like such a stark ending, if we can look at it through “eternal” eyes (easier said that done) we can see that its affect on us is temporary. We will see our loved ones again. We will see our Savior face to face. We will have a chance to bring our loved ones, those we will inevitably leave behind, before the throne of God.
Recently we celebrated the Christian holiday of Easter. Because of Easter, because of Christ's resurrection, death is victory. Life is eternal. Joy is perfect. We can “hold on” until the day we can say hi to our loved ones ourselves. Our loved ones lead the way.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
PSALM 42: 5
I don’t know that I have ever understood death. I don’t know if I still understand death. Although I have learned a lot more about it in the last couple of years. This weekend we were reminded again, a little bit, about the nature of death. One of Lisa’s uncles passed away last Thursday.
I had only met him once and did not know him at all. I do know that this family, largely through the loss of Phil, Lisa’s late husband, has to struggle again with the pain of losing a loved one. The thing that got me thinking about this was Lisa’s mother-in-law mentioning that she had asked her brother to say hello to Phil when he got to heaven.
I remember saying those exact same words when I last saw my Uncle John. That was in July of 2006, two months after Carol died. My Dad had died in March, Carol in May and now my dear uncle was obviously nearing the end of his life. When I had to leave him that day I knew that this would be the last time I would see him alive. I knew that within a few earthly days he would be seeing Carol and my Dad within the glorious beauty and majesty of heaven. I asked him to say hi and to tell them both that we missed them like crazy. I cried and cried just asking him to do that. He didn’t cry at all. I think he was so at peace with the thought of going there that he really longed for it. He was getting weaker by the minute and other physical issues made it difficult for him at the end, and I think he truly longed to be HOME.
Do you think that happens? Can we bring a message from this life over into our heavenly existence? I’m thinking yes. I’m thinking that while time in heaven may or may not be running parallel to earthly time, there is an awareness of one’s earthly existence, one’s relationships, and one’s thought process, etc. I remember reading a book about heaven after Carol died. It seemed that I wanted to learn all I could about it because the person I loved more than anything was now there. I really wanted to get an idea of what she was experiencing. One of the most comforting things I learned was that our loved ones can continue to intercede on behalf of their loved ones while in heaven. WOW! In the months since Carol’s death I have often been encouraged by that thought.
While death seems so final and like such a stark ending, if we can look at it through “eternal” eyes (easier said that done) we can see that its affect on us is temporary. We will see our loved ones again. We will see our Savior face to face. We will have a chance to bring our loved ones, those we will inevitably leave behind, before the throne of God.
Recently we celebrated the Christian holiday of Easter. Because of Easter, because of Christ's resurrection, death is victory. Life is eternal. Joy is perfect. We can “hold on” until the day we can say hi to our loved ones ourselves. Our loved ones lead the way.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
PSALM 42: 5
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Mom
I love my Mom! I just had to say that right at the beginning. We had the pleasure of having her stay at our house the last two weeks while my sister and brother-in-law were taking a break in Florida. We had a great time. Lisa and Kelli really enjoyed her company.
It was her 85th birthday on Saturday. That was the day that she was being picked up again so it was a perfect opportunity for us all to get together to celebrate this milestone. However, I think her real party was on Sunday in DeWitt. I was not able to attend that one but I’ve heard about it and would like to tell a little about what I know.
My sister and niece had the idea of having a "card shower" for Mom. They sent out invitations to many of her friends, family, church family, former coworkers etc, asking them to send Mom a birthday card. The response was amazing. Mom received over 40 cards, each with nice comments and well wishes. I could tell from talking to her that it really touched her heart. Another fun aspect of the way my sister presented the cards is the "yellow brick road”. Mom is the queen of the yellow brick road. She would wrap many gifts separately and then put them all into one larger box. She would connect them with yarn (usually yellow) so that there would be a path from one gift to the next. So that is the way her cards were presented to her. Perfect!!
Following is the poem my sister wrote to accompany her card journey:
TO THE QUEEN OF THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD
BRCAUSE WE ALL LOVE YOU
We just couldn’t resist
To give you a package
That’ll make your eyes mist…
With tears of happy memories
From those you hold dear;
Old friends from afar
And ones right here.
You’ve given so much
Your whole life through,
Here’s a chance for loved ones
To give love to you.
From friends at Good Sam
Where you gave it your all;
Caring for the needy
Spring, summer, winter and fall…
To friends from your church
That you’ve known for so long.
You served side by side
And shared many a song…
And to nieces and nephews
Who call you “Aunt Grete”,
They love you so dearly
From your head to your feet…
They’ve all come together
With wishes so dear;
That you’re not forgotten
They’ve made perfectly clear.
You’ve touched so many lives
With your kind and gentle heart;
They really have missed you
Since you’ve been apart.
So sit back and read these
Again and again…
Whenever you get lonely
And puzzles run thin.
Happy Birthday MOM - We love you
Thanks to you who have made this day extra special for Mom.
I love my Mom! I just had to say that right at the beginning. We had the pleasure of having her stay at our house the last two weeks while my sister and brother-in-law were taking a break in Florida. We had a great time. Lisa and Kelli really enjoyed her company.
It was her 85th birthday on Saturday. That was the day that she was being picked up again so it was a perfect opportunity for us all to get together to celebrate this milestone. However, I think her real party was on Sunday in DeWitt. I was not able to attend that one but I’ve heard about it and would like to tell a little about what I know.
My sister and niece had the idea of having a "card shower" for Mom. They sent out invitations to many of her friends, family, church family, former coworkers etc, asking them to send Mom a birthday card. The response was amazing. Mom received over 40 cards, each with nice comments and well wishes. I could tell from talking to her that it really touched her heart. Another fun aspect of the way my sister presented the cards is the "yellow brick road”. Mom is the queen of the yellow brick road. She would wrap many gifts separately and then put them all into one larger box. She would connect them with yarn (usually yellow) so that there would be a path from one gift to the next. So that is the way her cards were presented to her. Perfect!!
Following is the poem my sister wrote to accompany her card journey:
TO THE QUEEN OF THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD
BRCAUSE WE ALL LOVE YOU
We just couldn’t resist
To give you a package
That’ll make your eyes mist…
With tears of happy memories
From those you hold dear;
Old friends from afar
And ones right here.
You’ve given so much
Your whole life through,
Here’s a chance for loved ones
To give love to you.
From friends at Good Sam
Where you gave it your all;
Caring for the needy
Spring, summer, winter and fall…
To friends from your church
That you’ve known for so long.
You served side by side
And shared many a song…
And to nieces and nephews
Who call you “Aunt Grete”,
They love you so dearly
From your head to your feet…
They’ve all come together
With wishes so dear;
That you’re not forgotten
They’ve made perfectly clear.
You’ve touched so many lives
With your kind and gentle heart;
They really have missed you
Since you’ve been apart.
So sit back and read these
Again and again…
Whenever you get lonely
And puzzles run thin.
Happy Birthday MOM - We love you
Thanks to you who have made this day extra special for Mom.
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