Over the past couple of months I have gone through a wide range of emotions, not many of them have been happy ones. At times I think that none of this can be happening, that she is really not dead, that she will some day return to us, I know that's not possible. My head is farther ahead in the process than my heart has been able to go.
The first "poem" I wrote is about that night she died. All I have do to know how very real this has all been is to remember "That Night".
Following is that poem:

It’s better to have loved… is not working for me.Why, if only to be given so fiercely, and then taken away.
Donna Michele Hill


THAT NIGHT (4 months)

We still had hope that night
We were given a little more hope that day
Two weeks in their care
What’s wrong
She was so brave
All the things they did to her
Doing their procedures
No answers
Many possible causes
All one by one eliminated
Still she got worse

One day they told us no cancer
We celebrated
She was almost giddy
Then she got worse
Could not find a vein
She was so brave
“What can I do, scream? Cry?”
She said
Another surgery Friday
It didn’t help
It made her weaker

We were together most of the time
We spoke of life together
Of love
Of dreams
Of children
Of friends
Of God’s plan
Of hope
We had hope to the end

Would you want hope
Or would you want to know the truth
The truth was cancer had consumed her
They missed it
We didn’t know
We didn’t say goodbye to each other
Not in a final way
We kissed each time I left the room
Except the last time
When the medical team came in
Her heart stopped
Her life ended
So much of my life ended

That night